Picture your perfect vacation! Are you imagining a peaceful mountain resort, tropical white-sand beaches, or an adventure at a theme park? Though fun and exciting, traveling pushes us out of our normal routines and comfort zones as we find ourselves having to navigate new environments and figure out different social expectations. Unexpected schedule changes and constant negotiations to shift and follow the family plan can lead to unpleasant interactions. We can help by recognizing stressors and then build strategies to help them.

These exercises are designed for both children and teens; some activities are more complex than others. As a family, you can decide which strategies will be most effective, as not everyone has the same strengths or struggles. Keep in mind that with some forethought and a little planning on your part, your older children and teenagers can be actively involved in the planning and problem-solving process during your travels. As a parent, you can use this time to let them practice taking a bigger role in navigating social situations on your vacation (e.g., getting from point A to B, requesting help from staff). Just be sure you’ve provided any pre-teaching, tools, and/or strategies that will help them be successful!

Creating the Vacation Itinerary

• Go over the group plan or itinerary with all traveling companions. After deciding on your travel destination, sit down as a family to look over the itinerary. Discuss how everyone has different likes and dislikes, but the group plan incorporates everyone’s preferences. For example, “Everyone in the family has different activities they like and don’t like. Monday, we will be going to the beach because Mom loves the beach. We will eat Mexican food for dinner since John likes Mexican food, etc.” If possible, you can even plan the trip together so it is an interactive experience with everyone contributing ideas about the activities they want to explore (download thinksheet).
  
  
  The purpose of this activity is twofold: 1) to give everyone an idea of what to expect on the vacation, which helps decrease anxiety and 2) to show how everyone’s ideas are incorporated into the group plan. This is a FAMILY vacation, not a PERSONAL vacation. In this way, everyone can plan to be a “thinking of others” family member!

Always include “ME TIME” in the itinerary. Explicitly set aside a certain amount of time each day, such as 30 or 60 minutes (or even 15 minutes), during which everyone in the family will have “me time.” Being on vacation can be stressful and everyone can benefit from an established break time each day to decompress or reflect. During this time, everyone can choose how they would like to relax (e.g., listen to music, play a video game, watch TV, go online, etc.).

Also, it can help everyone better regulate their emotions if they know they will still have some “me time.” It is important to emphasize that “me time” is not a reward. Instead, it’s a way to incorporate a life skill or life habit.

Tips During the Vacation

Discuss potential problems at the beginning of each day. Take a few minutes each morning to go over the itinerary and discuss what might not go as planned: a delayed plane, traffic on the freeway, a cancelled tour, annoying people in your tour group, closed restaurants, etc. The only thing that is almost guaranteed on any vacation is that at least one thing will go awry. Awareness and anticipation of potential problems are often the first steps to avoiding or solving problems!

1. For each potential problem you come up with, identify how each family member would see the size of the problem. As a reminder, small problems are those we can often solve on our own in a short amount of time. Most of the problems that we face on vacation are small problems, but not all. These are problems that may include feelings of boredom because of delayed flights or waiting for others in the group, annoyances, or disappointment when a fun activity is delayed. Medium problems* take a little longer, and we will need to get help from others. Big problems** are those that take considerably longer and often require the help of several others, and even grownups need the help of other grownups to find or enact a solution. Just understanding that a late bus might feel like a huge problem to one family member can help everyone understand how we all see problems differently because not everyone feels small problems in the same way.
   
   

   1. Acknowledging that feelings of boredom or irritation are common for everyone: “I get that you’re bored. I’m bored too!”
      
      

   2. Make sure to discuss that just as problems come in different sizes, so do emotional responses. Every person responds to their problems, regardless of size, based on a number of factors like how their brain works, what strategies they have, who is around, where they are, what is happening, and many more. We can’t tell a person how to react or respond to problems, but we can teach them ways to get help and self-regulate or co-regulate with them.
      
      

   3. Use self-talk. Talking out loud through your thinking process when you are dealing with problems can be a great way to show how to use self-talk and give your kids a way to also comfort you. “I’m so bummed that the dolphins aren’t here today. I’m thinking about how big this problem is. It feels really big inside and I’m super disappointed. I think I’ll take some deep breaths and remind myself that we have so many other fun things to do on this trip. Here I go, 1, 2, 3 breaths.”
      
      

2. Problem solve in the moment. Traveling is a great time to practice social problem solving. As a parent, you can model how you solve problems throughout the day, as well as bring a visual to help talk children through their problems. Problem solving and stress often go hand in hand. Here are a few simple and effective strategies to use on vacation.
   
   

   1. Brainstorm visual tools. Give the person who might be getting stressed “time to chill” but also be proactive with tools for support. You might create a visual break card or a signal (tap on the shoulder) the person can use to indicate they need to take a break—or mutually agree that if you see signs of frustration in them, you’ll use the agreed upon signal to remind them they can advocate or just take a break.
      
      

   2. Words aren’t always helpful. When a person is dysregulated, it’s almost never the time to try to talk through the problem.
      
      *Medium problems: Medium-sized problems may affect your entire family. They may require help from outside adults, such as police or security for pickpocketing. Other medium problems might include the airline losing your luggage on the flight to your destination, or you/your family getting sick while on vacation and needing medical attention. Again, everyone has an emotional response that is different based on how their brain and body work together, but we can be proactive in helping with strategies for regulation or co-regulation.
      
      **Big problems: Big problems are unlikely to occur, but many kids will feel like the problems that happen on vacation are big problems. Remember that big problems usually affect a lot of people at one time and even adults are so overwhelmed they can’t solve these problems on their own. Examples of big problems include an airplane crash, tsunami, or a hurricane.
      
      
      If your kids always define the problem as a big or HUGE problem, you might ask them to rate it compared to these big problems. Sometimes that helps to put their problem in perspective, but always acknowledge that even small problems can feel like huge problems! For example, “Does the cancelled tour seem like a bigger or smaller problem than a hurricane?” The goal is to understand that not every problem is a huge problem or a small problem and that problems come in different sizes and there are tools and people who can help to soften or solve the problems.
      

3. Create a vacation journal. Take a few minutes at the end of each day to write or draw about the day’s activities and your impressions. This can be as structured or as unstructured as you like. Try to keep the focus on the positive! Although some level of stress is a given during vacations or travel, the main focus of reflective discussions should be on the positive aspects of the day’s events.
   
   

   1. Use the journal time to help your child or teen shift any negative thoughts and feelings by finding the humor. For example, “Remember when we got lost at the airport? It was very stressful in the moment but looking back, it was pretty funny how we passed the SAME store three times before we realized it!”
      
      

   2. Give your child or teen tons of positive feedback. “I really liked how you let your sister go first in line even though I could tell you wanted to go first.” It can also help them appreciate how others are considering their perspective too. “Did you notice that we avoided the fireworks because we knew you don’t like the noise?” OR “Your choice to bring your noise cancelling headphones was really brilliant for the firework show!”
      
      

   3. Daily journal ideas

      1. Photo Journal: Take phone pics and share in an online album.

      2. Drawing or Doodle Journal: Draw pictures of their favorite or exciting part of the day or doodle many experiences from throughout the day.

      3. Written Journal: Individuals can write about their impressions of the day or things that went well/didn’t go well.
         

This is obviously only a small number of ideas and strategies to avoid, soften, and solve travel problems based on many years of input from families and caregivers in our clinics and schools. The biggest message is that an ounce of planning for problems with proactive strategies before the trip can make a difference for the whole family.